FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
