Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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