Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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