yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
