My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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