you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
