I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
