My friends, they love my intelligence
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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