i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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