I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
