Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
