I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
