he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
