Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
