is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
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dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.