You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all