out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.