so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
