Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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