I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
