The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
