Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
