Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
