I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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