so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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