Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
