Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
