you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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