I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
