yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize