I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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