True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
