To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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