insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
