It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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