i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
