I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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