what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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