i think i have herpe
just one?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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