the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
not ubering you a puppy
is that a dick in a sweater?
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