Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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