If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
