I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize