watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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