i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
