New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
