I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
