We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
