I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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