she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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