I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
