My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
