your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
what day is it and did you see me today?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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