Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
