Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
