I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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