Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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