So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
