its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
