we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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