Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
