I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
